In the category “Deviance Experiences”, members of the Deviance community share their very personal experiences that have changed something. Let’s start with Anna, 32 years old from Munich, who suddenly found a name for her preferences, which she had never considered offensive. Instead, she thought others should just loosen up. Until she met someone on Tinder, whom she now only calls the “Tinder Cuckold.”
First thing: downloading Tinder
A liberating feeling spread through me when I was left via WhatsApp message. Because I was looking forward to being able to discover new things again, to get to know new people, bodies and fantasies. I was really starving. So it took less than 36 hours for me to download Tinder and less than 48 for my first date.
One of my matches got straight to the point and told me how much it turned him on when his partner slept with other people. Regardless of whether he is there or not. He held back on his choice of words, after all we were still strangers on Tinder. I found it unusual, but not repulsive. On the contrary. I thought, especially now that I’m planning to explore my sexual facets more again, it might be very interesting to find out what lies behind such a fantasy. And it turned me on that he talked about it so openly.
We met at a bar that same evening and he told me more about it. Among other things, he told me that he was Switch. I had never heard of this before, but I didn’t ask what it meant. Nevertheless, I intuitively asked the right questions, such as whether this wish had anything to do with psychological humiliation. Even though I personally couldn’t do much with his model, I could understand his inclination. Besides, he was a really handsome guy and I was in desperate need of self-affirmation. Not the best motivation, I know.
What the hell is a Switch?
In retrospect, I know what he meant by “Switch.” Over the next few hours we fucked seven times and he didn’t hesitate to slap me or call me names. Usually the men I slept with were very negative about these requests. Here too, it was only afterwards that I realized that it wasn’t them, but me. And of course also how careless it was with someone I had just met on Tinder that same morning. But at the time I didn’t know any better.
We met at my place a few days later, even though I didn’t really feel like it. Although we had a wonderful weekend, we were not on the same intellectual level. So I just wanted to rest and go to sleep. Tried to start something, but I turned him down. Which made him even hotter. He begged me to let him fuck me, but I refused him. Instead he should do it to me by hand.
After that I didn’t get in touch again because unfortunately I couldn’t do that much with him as a person. However, he kept texting me even though I didn’t respond. One day I had enough and became really rude and hurtful. It wasn’t until he wrote to me that it turned him on when I didn’t speak up and wasn’t friendly that I understood.
Appalled reactions at brunch
Two weeks later I was invited to a birthday brunch. I actually found the story quite funny. Not because of his fetish for cheating partners, but because of his stupid messages.
I received horrified reactions. “He needs to see a psychologist” and “That’s sick,” were the reactions. They weren’t referring to him not being the brightest, but rather to his desire for a woman to humiliate him by sleeping with others. And I defended him on that point, which was completely logical to me.
After this long Story, I now come to the moment it clicked. One of those people present, who I didn’t know until then, took me aside after brunch and told me: “You can’t just tell me something like that. It has something to do with humiliation.” “Yes, of course, I know. I asked him. It’s hot,” I replied. “Do you know what a Cuckold and BDSM is?” Of course, I knew what BDSM was. At least I thought so. “And you understand what he’s into and why?” I said yes to that too. Above all, I admired that he was able to speak clearly and openly about “this tic.” “You should look into the topic. I think you’ll find yourself in one area or another.” I asked, “What’s the other one? Kack Holding (edit: german for ‘holding shit’)? Nah, he didn’t want that.”
So now he’s just called “the Tinder Cuckold”
The accidental birthday guest became a good friend of mine and explained a lot to me. She also gave my acquaintance the name “Tinder Cuckold.” I also devoured everything I could find on the topics of fetish and BDSM. Suddenly everything made sense. Many of my fantasies and more excessive practices that had happened in the past. And people’s pique at my sayings, stories and thoughts in the past. Since the Tinder cuckold and the birthday brunch, I know that what is normal for me – even the complex concept of cuckolding – is not normal for others. It’s not because other people are so prudish, it’s because I have a different understanding of sexuality. By the way: I’m neither a Cuckoldress nor a Dom. On the contrary, I am a classic Sub.
