Disclaimer: The aim of this article is to explain the term “blackmailing” in the context of BDSM, as it appears again and again in this area. It is not intended to be a call or a guide to blackmailing.

What is blackmailing?

Blackmailing is the English word for blackmail. In BDSM, it describes a role play between a top as the blackmailer and a bottom as the victim, who is blackmailed for money, actions or objects. This can happen via chat, email, telephone or in real life. The victim voluntarily shares private and/or embarrassing information with the blackmailer. Top in turn uses the publication, use or exposure of this information as leverage.

For the victim, the attraction lies in the feeling of being at the mercy of the victim, the fear and also in the pressure to satisfy the top. As the stimulus is therefore always linked to the compulsion to act, it is also an act of “forced submission”.

Blackmailing often takes place in a professional relationship between sex worker and client. In this relationship, a type of contract is negotiated beforehand that defines the extent and intensity of the game. As this is a service relationship, this contract is binding. If the conditions mentioned in the contract are not met, there is a threat to publish the secret information and thus discredit the victim.

What can blackmailing look like in BDSM?

Blackmailing usually involves threatening to publish or share something with third parties. This can be private, embarrassing or incriminating material, for example in the form of text messages, photos or videos. By publishing such things, the pressure and stress factor of the person being blackmailed is increased. Top forces the bottom to buy his or her way out or to postpone publication by taking certain actions. Sometimes further incriminating material has to be created.

Another option is to force the bottom to sign a blackmail contract or promissory bill. This obliges you to make regular payments or donations. As this is a type of promissory bill, it is basically a binding contractual document. But it’s not quite that simple.

For this reason, it is important that agreements and actions are recorded in detail in writing. The session is often held via a different channel, such as chat or text message, than the negotiations, for which email is more commonly used, for example. The correspondence between the blackmailer and the victim could look like this: “Pay me or I will publish private material against your will”. However, this confirms the offense of coercion. On the surface, such messages make you liable to prosecution. Depending on how it is worded, the contract is not binding but immoral. And: regular gifts and payments must be declared for tax purposes.

Another variant of blackmailing is the threat to disclose account data. One of the attractions here is that Top can withdraw all the assets from this account if no voluntary payments are made. Sometimes a separate account is set up for the blackmailer to which regular transfers must be made.

Another method is screen sharing. Here, the blackmailer broadcasts his/her screen live while he/she shops online and spends the blackmailed person’s money.

In person, the blackmailer expropriates the bank card or wallet, for example, and spends the money while Bottom watches by phone, chat or even live. He/she may even have to carry the purchases afterwards to physically emphasize the situation.

BDSM, blackmailing and security systems

As usual, limits are essential for all these methods. The traffic light system provides good support here too:

• * The green area is the money that is available, or the amount that should always be in the account so that Bottom can cover all running costs and needs.
• * The yellow area is slightly above the comfort zone. In this case, the person being blackmailed would have to do without luxury goods, for example, in order to be able to cover their running costs.
• * The red zone is untouchable, vital money. Driving the bottom into financial ruin is a scenario that can only be played with in the imagination.

What do I need to pay attention for?

In principle, it should never be a case of actual blackmail. Publishing private images or data can cause permanent damage. The desired effect is often achieved simply by deception or uncertainty. This is because the feeling of helplessness and pressure is already created by the exchange of sensitive information.

Secondly, as a dom:me, you are also putting yourself in a vulnerable situation that is legally questionable. This is because blackmailing is a legal gray area. Blackmail and coercion are criminal offenses. As described above, this game therefore relies on intensive written communication.