You’ve got a match! But now what? Who should message first? And what should you write? The first message to your match can sometimes be quite nerve-wracking. After all, you don’t want to make any mistakes. But don’t worry, you’re not alone!
It’s always a good idea to start the first message with something personal from your match’s profile rather than the generic “Hi, how are you?”. You can find ideas for that here. If you’re still stuck, this post is for you. Just start with a personal greeting and mention that you’re excited to get to know the other person. After that, our conversation starters can help you, ranging from more to less kinky.
- You seem attractive, smart and funny. What’s the catch?
- Tell me your life story – in emojis.
- Tell me about your favorite kinks – in emojis.
- Tell me two truths and one lie about yourself, and I’ll try to figure out what’s true and what’s not.
Are there any books or movies that have influenced your view on BDSM or that you would recommend?
Is there a particular event or community activity that you remember especially well?
Is there a particular technique or method in BDSM that you find especially intriguing or would like to master?
- Is there a song that describes your life?
- Is there something you’re particularly looking forward to right now?
- Do you have a superpower? If so, will you tell me what it is?
I’m always looking for new ideas and inspirations. Is there a particular role or fantasy that you especially enjoy exploring?
I’m curious – how do you handle it when you meet someone with completely different interests or limits than yours?
- I always find it fascinating how diverse the world of BDSM can be. What excites you the most about it?
- I find it exciting how creative you can be in the BDSM world. What’s the most creative or unusual thing you’ve ever done?
I’m currently trying to figure out if you can find true love here. What’s your experience with that?
- I’m using my last two percent battery to write you this message, that’s how great I think you are!
I was initially skeptical about online dating. But now that I found you, I’m actually quite enjoying it here.
- I would bet a lot that we would have a lot of fun together on a date.
- I would like to know more about your experiences in the BDSM world. Is there anything that you find particularly memorable?
- In which TV show or movie would you like to have a role?
- My parents say I shouldn’t talk to strangers. But I’m making an exception for you.
- Which real or fictional person would you like to be stuck in an elevator with?
- What can I cook for you?
What mad you sign up Deviance? Are there specific interests or desires you’d like to share?
- What was the last thing that made you laugh?
- What’s the most unusual thing you’ve experienced in the BDSM scene? I always find it interesting to talk about unusual experiences.
What is your favorite accessory or toy in BDSM, and why do you find it so special?
- What’s your favorite karaoke song?
- What is your most controversial opinion?
- What do you prefer? Dogs or cats? Red or white wine? Beach or mountains?
- What is an important lesson or valuable piece of advice you’ve learned during your time in the BDSM world?
What is the most important element for a successful BDSM dynamic for you?
- What is the biggest appeal of BDSM for you? Are there specific elements that particularly attract you?
- What’s more important to you: time or money?
- What do you do first thing in the morning?
What are your red and green flags when dating?
- What do you like to do most on Saturdays in the city where you live?
- What was the pivotal moment or experience that sparked your interest in BDSM?
What do you prefer? Movie night, bar night, or hiking tour?
- What should we play? The loser pays at the first date.
- What should we tell our family and friends about where we met?
- What’s the first thing you would do with one million euros?
- What would you do if you were invisible for 24 hours?
- Which real or fictional person would you like to invite to a dinner party?
- What’s your favorite podcast to listen to?
- Which song can you not stand and why?
- Which movie makes you cry and why?
- What was the last book you read?
- What feeling accompanies you today?
- What’s your favorite song and why?
- Which country would you most like to travel to and why?
- How do you view the balance between power and care in a BDSM dynamic? How do you find this balance for yourself?
- How has your perspective on BDSM changed over time? Are there things you see differently now compared to before?
- What does a perfect first date look like for you?
- How would your friends describe you in three words?
- How would you describe your ideal evening in the BDSM world? Are there specific activities or dynamics that you particularly enjoy?
- How would you describe your personal style or approach in the BDSM world? What makes it unique to you?
- Shall we skip the awkward small talk and just meet for a coffee?
- I can’t think of a good opener yet, but I can’t wait to write to you. What color are the socks you’re wearing right now?
- What is something you recently learned that really impressed you?
- If you could meet a historical figure, who would it be and why?
- What is a small thing in your daily life that always brings you joy?
- Is there a hobby or skill you’d like to try if you had the time and resources?
- What was the best advice you’ve ever received, and how did it affect you?
- What is a challenge or goal you’ve set for yourself this year?
- If you had to choose a famous quote that describes your life, what would it be and why?
- What kinds of activities or projects do you enjoy most to relax and relieve stress?
- What is a small but meaningful tradition that you maintain in your life?
- What is a topic you’d like to think more deeply about, but haven’t had the chance to yet?
We hope our tips for the first message to your match have been helpful. Worried about what comes next? Then keep reading and get ideas for 16 questions you can ask when it comes to a date.
