Safety regulations are encountered everywhere, especially in BDSM. It starts with getting to know each other and doesn’t end with dangerous practices. An aspect that should not be underestimated is, of course, safety during sexual acts themselves, in order to protect oneself and others from sexually transmitted diseases. While we learn in school what safer sex is, many practices and borderline cases in BDSM practices are not covered.
Why is it actually called safer sex or safe sex?
Most people have a very loose definition of “safer sex,” as long as something is bagged. While condoms are still often used during anal and vaginal intercourse, oral sex is often carried out without protection and latex is also used less often when using toys. Many people believe that it is enough not to swallow sperm or period blood during oral sex, but diseases can be transmitted even without swallowing these body fluids.
Safer sex typically refers to sexual intercourse with physical barriers, which have traditionally been considered the most effective methods of contraception: condoms, femidoms, dental dams, and latex gloves, for example. These provide the lowest likelihood of infection with an STI or STD.
Some also understand safer sex to mean avoiding contact with bodily fluids or at least with those that have been shown to have the highest concentration of pathogens. You see: There are different levels of “safer”.
Risk Awareness
However, we are not completely safe in the sense of “safe” either with barriers or if we instead or additionally avoid contact with body fluids. But at least “safer”, i.e. as safe as you can be. For this reason, some people prefer the term “risk aware” instead of “safer”, because no measure is completely safe.
SSC and safer sex
The SSC principle, which stands for “safe, sane and consensual”, offers good guidance for safer sex in BDSM. As part of this concept, in addition to preferences and limits, contraception and safety measures are discussed and all that are known are taken. It is best to develop shared rituals and rules for protection, purification and the correct handling of situations and eventualities.
Safer sex: but with what?
As mentioned earlier, physical contraceptives are the first choice. These methods reduce the likelihood of contracting an STI or STD during sexual activity and also the likelihood of pregnancy. Here’s an overview of the most common barriers.
Condoms
Sure, who doesn’t know it: condoms are the most common contraceptive method after the pill and are still considered the safest contraceptive method. Basically, it is a latex or plastic tube that is placed over a penis and thus prevents direct contact and fluid exchange between the penis and the respective body opening. They should not only be rolled over the human penis, but also over sex toys and other objects that are inserted and, above all, used during oral sex.
However, condoms are made from a wide variety of materials and in many different sizes and flavors, as well as with different surfaces. How safe they really are always depends on the correct application. Our favorite are these with increased wall-thickness.
The femidom
The femidom is a condom designed for vulva owners. It’s essentially the counterpart to the traditional condom—a thin plastic sheath that fits against the vaginal wall like a second skin. It’s the only contraceptive method that protects the entire vagina, and therefore its owner, from sexually transmitted infections without interfering with the body’s internal systems.
During the insertion, which can be done before sexual intercourse, takes some practice, it protects the vagina from anything that is inserted into it and thus from unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections.
Oral dams
There is a barrier for cunnilingus and rimming: the oral dam. This is a thin latex cloth that is placed over the vulva or anus and can then be used for oral sex. It protects against body fluids, but may only be used once, from one side and only on one part of the body.
Oral dams significantly reduce the risk of infection with HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases such as hepatitis B. Most oral dams are odorless, but they are also available with a taste or smell. An alternative to oral dams can be a cut open latex glove. However, these do not offer the same protection as they are not intended for this purpose. Transparent film is not a suitable alternative.
Latex gloves
Latex gloves, or those made of nitrile or vinyl, are another often underrated barrier. Their surface protects against mucosal injuries caused by fingernails, as well as the transfer of skin cells, dirt, and other potential sources of infection. Conversely, they also shield the wearer’s hands from fluids from mucous membranes and bodily openings. Since they don’t absorb fluids, whether bodily or lubricant, they remain comfortable even during prolonged penetration.
Gloves should fit snugly on the hands and extend up to the wrist. For those who prefer not to use full gloves, finger cots can be an alternative, for instance, when applying lubricant.
Safer sex also means making it a clean affair
In addition to physical barriers, it is crucial to clean and then disinfect hands, objects, and surfaces. While this cannot guarantee complete safety, it significantly reduces the risk of infection.
Cleaning alone is often not enough, as it doesn’t ensure that a surface is treated to eliminate any risk of infection. Cleaning or washing is a necessary step before disinfection. It’s best to use specialized toy cleaners like this one from Joydivision.
Unless otherwise stated, surfaces or objects should also be thoroughly cleaned or rinsed with water after disinfection if they have had contact with mucous membranes (e.g. dildo, gag) or long-term or large-area skin contact (e.g. cuffs or couches).
There are many different disinfection options, from boiling to individual agents, with a variety of chemical classifications and applications.
In general, it is important not to misuse cleaning and disinfecting agents for their intended purpose and when purchasing them, pay attention to what the agent in question actually helps against. For STI pathogens, the spectrum of activity should include: bactericidal, yeasticidal and virucidal, limited virucidal plus or limited virucidal including polyomavirus/SV40. If these are given as an indication, the product is suitable as a safer sex disinfectant.
Also pay attention to the manufacturer’s safety and application instructions as well as the expiry date. The required exposure time must always be adhered to in order to achieve the appropriate effect. No wiping or blotting dry. It’s better to wait a moment rather than risk contamination.
And don’t forget: Only where disinfectant goes is disinfected. On rough surfaces, you really need to apply it generously and over a large area. By the way, you can find a really detailed guide to disinfection here.
Disinfection options
Boil
“Hot water kills everything!” A piece of wisdom that is still valid. Boiling/boiling in hot water is still a common and effective disinfection method. Common conditions are 100°C for five minutes or 93°C for ten minutes. It’s best to use a suitable thermometer to check the temperature.
This method is particularly suitable for metal toys like clamps, Wartenberg wheels, rods, speculums, and more. Some silicone toys can also be disinfected with hot water. For instance, it often helps remove odors from anal use more effectively.
Disinfect toys
Toys such as dildos, plugs, impact tools, gags or clamps should be disinfected with a product that is compatible with mucous membranes. Disinfectants or toy cleaner of this type are skin-friendly, meaning they do not dry out or irritate the skin. They are also compatible with materials whose surfaces are often attacked by other disinfectants, such as silicone, latex, Silikomed and all plastics. Nevertheless, they are highly effective against viruses such as the coronavirus, herpes and hepatitis but also against bacteria such as chlamydia and fungi.
Disinfect surfaces
To remove germs, bacteria, and viruses from surfaces, a surface disinfectant is ideal, as the name suggests. First, clean the affected surface thoroughly with a damp cloth. Then spray the disinfectant, wipe it off with the cloth, and spray again. For spray disinfection, products that produce a foam rather than a fine mist are particularly useful.
Wipe disinfection with pre-moistened wipes from the manufacturer is also an option.
Those who want to play it extra safe can also use special sheets or mattress protectors that can be disposed of after use.
Disinfecting hands
Our hands have the most contact with dirty surfaces in everyday life. Therefore, they should be thoroughly cleaned not only after but also before intimate contact.
Most hand sanitizers available in drugstores only protect against bacteria, not viruses. So, be sure to check the instructions and the spectrum of effectiveness. Ethanol-based disinfectants are well-suited for this purpose, as they absorb and evaporate. Typically, about five milliliters rubbed for 30 seconds is sufficient, but for practices involving mucous membranes, it’s recommended to rub for 90 seconds.
Disinfect the body
While disinfecting your hands has become relatively common since the Corona crisis, whole-body cleansing is often only associated with showering. But especially if you go out a lot, visit swingers clubs, travel to other people’s premises or have a lot of sexual contact at work, it is important to have other quick solutions ready for yourself and others.
If you’re in a hurry, special wipes and sprays are a good option to reduce the risk of infection. Another great alternative is specialized cleaning gloves, which effectively and conveniently allow for self-cleaning.
The right place to go for safer sex products?
Especially with such a sensitive topic, it’s important to have a reliable source you can trust. At our partner Orion, Europe’s largest erotic retailer, you’ll find a carefully curated selection of various cleaning products for safe fun, as well as care products for your toys.
This was Part IV of the Deviance series on sexually transmitted infections. Also interesting:
STI and STD Part I: how they’re transmitted
STI and STD Part II: the 8 most common
