We can tell you a lot, rave, and promise. But in the end, with Deviance, we can only provide our users with a compass, a map, and a metal detector to offer you the best possible experiences. However, aside from certain parameters by which the algorithm matches you, finding someone who also matches you on a human level is something you have to discover for yourself.
Any (39) and Rhinevillage (44) from North Rhine-Westphalia tell us how this can work. The two met after just a week on Deviance and have been inseparable ever since. According to their own statements, they would never have crossed paths without us. Even though they lived in the same city for years. With such great news, we simply had to ask the two of them for an interview. But separately from each other.
The initial situation
First things first – what was your initial situation when you downloaded the app? Were you searching or just curious?
Rhinevillage: I was previously married for 17 years. During those years, BDSM was directly dismissed as perverse by my wife at the time and was not an option for her. That was one of the reasons for the breakup, and I am still in the midst of the divorce. As a result, I was naturally alone. I swore to myself, “Next time, you’ll be honest from the start.” By chance, I came across an advertisement for Deviance on Facebook.
Any: I had already heard about the planned platform on the Zartbitternacht Discord server, but it wasn’t even out yet. From that point on I was really waiting for it. However, I wasn’t originally looking for a committed relationship. More like a play partner. I had been interested in BDSM for a long time, but never had the right partners for it. Last year I said now or never. Something has to happen now.
Expectations of a kinky dating platform
Have you had any previous experience with other platforms and online dating other than Deviance?
Any: Yes, but that wasn’t very successful. The platforms were not very specialized. There were indeed many people there, but not all of them were interested in BDSM. Additionally, a hurdle was that I was a complete beginner in BDSM. Then it often meant: “I don’t play with beginners.” You were already out before you even got to know each other.
Rhinevillage: The regular dating platforms weren’t for me. Somehow, they didn’t really get to the point with BDSM. I met up with some people, but it just didn’t feel right. BDSM was at the forefront on Deviance. I felt more comfortable there.
What did you expect from a kinky dating platform?
Any: I didn’t have high expectations. With a new platform, there are obviously not many users yet. But Deviance advertised that it was completely different than other platforms and I thought ok, let’s see if they are more successful there.
Rhinevillage: On typical fetish portals, everyone only wants one thing. That’s why I guessed that many people at Deviance would also be looking for a quick adventure. But that was completely different. It was clear from the start that there would only be three suggestions a day, so you’d have to take a closer look.
This is how the match came about
What was the first thing you liked about the other profile? What did he or she convince you with?
Any: The photo was immediately appealing! And the text. It was a completely normal text, not totally related to BDSM, but more of a neutral idea of who he is and what he is looking for. I liked that immediately.
Rhinevillage: You couldn’t see much in your photo, there was only one eye. In her profile she wrote that she is a beginner just like me. So I thought that would be a good fit. We also both had Switch listed in our profiles, which was also important to me.
Would you have approached Any or Rhinevillage at the supermarket, club, or concert? Would he or she have caught your attention?
Rhinevillage: I think I would have noticed Any because of her appearance, especially her face. But I probably wouldn’t have spoken to her. After 17 years of marriage, I was logically rather shy.
Any: I probably wouldn’t have noticed him. Admittedly, I’m rather shy and wouldn’t talk to anyone in my life.
Any and Rhinevillage getting up close
Did you talk immediately about BDSM? How did you incorporate the topic?
Rhinevillage: Right from the first message. It was from me and read:
“Hello Any, I’m Rhinevillage, it’s great that we matched. I’ve already had some experience in the BDSM area, both as a Sub and as a Dom. I like both sides, but I’m more leaning towards the Dom. But I would also like to be a Sub every now and then, because it’s a great feeling for me to let myself go completely. (…) I would be happy if you wrote me back. Kind regards, Rhinevillage”
The first message from Rhinevillage to Any on Deviance
Any: Yeah, I think it was immediately about BDSM, our preferences, and taboos. We quickly and very objectively clarified if that matched up somewhat. After about a week, we already had our first date.
May we ask what roles you chose?
Rhinevillage: Switch, Kinkster, Sadmasochist, Top, Spanker, Spankee, Bottom.
Any: Switch, Spanker, Top, Bottom, Bunny, Spankee, Exploring.
The first date
Hand on heart: What was your first thought when you saw him or her live for the first time?
Rhinevillage: I was surprised. She definitely caught my eye visually. But since her profile picture only showed her eye, I had to somehow imagine this person I had been chatting with for days until the date. And then you wonder: Oh, so YOU are the one?
Any: I’m very unbiased when it comes to appearances. For me, it’s more important that there’s a certain level of sympathy. Rhinevillage looked different from how they appeared in the photo. But not negatively, more neutrally. My first thought was: “Alright, let’s see how this goes.”
You are now a couple. When was the first butterflies in your stomach?
Any: That was basically on the second date. There was the first kiss and I had butterflies in my stomach. I can’t explain to you why. He’s asked me that many times, but I can’t say it. This feeling solidified over the next two weeks and the next time we saw each other.
Rhinevillage: I think the first time I got butterflies in my stomach was on the second date. After the first date I already knew something could come of it. Because I’m such a heartfelt person. I decide from my heart and I can usually rely on it pretty well. During the second date, the whole evening was an emotional rollercoaster. Ultimately, it led to a kiss, and that’s when it became very clear.
Please provide a summary
Does Rhinevillage/Any correspond exactly to the experiences you hoped for from Deviance?
Any: Yes. Although neither of us is very experienced in BDSM, we share a common ground there. We agree on many things from the start. We can talk very openly about everything and just try things out. And most of the time, it works out well.
Rhinevillage: No. Much more than I hoped for. I really found that one person and I can say: It fits, it’s just right.
Any is a switch and believes one should also feel free to try something new. Besides yoga and photography, BDSM has finally become one of the hobbies of the 39-year-old network administrator.
Rhinevillage, 44, works as an operator in the public sector. In his free time, he enjoys diving or plays Carrom. And, of course, spending time with Any.
Update: Seven months after this interview, on June 3, 2022, the two got married. We are thrilled and wish them all the best!
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