The term and culture of “BDSM munches” are unique to the scene. Many people may not have much of an idea about them when encountering the term for the first time. And then it usually takes some time before one gathers the courage to actually attend one of these munches to meet other BDSM enthusiasts.
But then the questions come: What if I meet someone I know there? What am I wearing? How do I start conversations with people? Will I be laughed at as a beginner? Here is a short introduction to the topic of “BDSM munch”.
What is a BDSM munch?
Essentially the same as a regular meetup for people with a specific hobby, like road cycling, for example. So, you meet with a group or a few people who share the same interest in a public venue. You exchange knowledge and experiences, make connections, and chat about this and that. Just in this case, it’s about BDSM.
They are usually organized by long-standing members of the community who are passionate about connecting and interacting with kinky individuals and especially want to help newcomers get started.
Where do munches take place?
They generally take place in public venues in larger cities from Adelaide to Zürich. Sometimes they are held in a separate room to allow for undisturbed conversation. People can grab drinks and food together, facilitating casual conversation in a relaxed atmosphere.
Public? Really?
Yes, exactly. From the outside, you can’t tell that the group is BDSM people. So you don’t need to be afraid that someone from your circle of friends or acquaintances might discover you there by chance. You’re just there with a few friends.
What if i meet someone i know at a BDSM munch?
Then you can be happy to have an acquaintance with the same interest. You don’t need to feel ashamed in such a case, after all, you’re in the same boat. Also, you probably don’t have to worry about an involuntary outing by this person, as that would mean they’d have to explain their munch attendance to others themselves. Most BDSM enthusiasts are respectful and wouldn’t even consider such an idea. If you still have concerns, talk to that person in a calm moment.
How do I find a BDSM munch?
If you already have contacts with other BDSM enthusiasts in your area, they will definitely be able to help you. Otherwise, you can find the information you need on the internet. Simply enter “BDSM”, “munch” and the desired city into Google and contact addresses will be spit out.
If you live in a rural area, you’ll probably have to travel a few kilometers. Alternatively, you can join one of the online munches that have established themselves since the beginning of the Covid-19 protective measures. You can find information about this on relevant websites or on the profiles of committed individuals on social media.
Can everyone go to a BDSM munch?
Yes and no. Basically, anyone with an interest in BDSM who is open minded is welcome. However, some meetings have age restrictions. People who have already attracted negative attention at munches are usually also not welcome.
Some groups publicly announce the date, time, and location, while others only provide the location and further information upon request to protect participants from onlookers or wannabes.
It’s always a good idea to send an email beforehand and introduce yourself. This way, the organizers get a first impression of you and can plan better, for example, how many seats need to be reserved.
And you’ll have an initial point of contact to whom you can ask further questions via email or at the meeting.
How do I behave at a BDSM munch?
Tolerance is the top priority
Tolerance is one of the top rules at a Stammtisch. Because the BDSM and fetish spectrum is broad, it’s always possible that other participants have kinks that you can’t relate to. In such a case, don’t react with rejection or judgment, but rather with understanding and tolerance. If you don’t like a conversation, you can also move to another seat at any time. However, always remain polite and respectful in this case as well.
Flirt, date, play? Rather not.
Aggressive flirting is taboo at most gatherings. If you’re only interested in going to a BDSM munch to find play or sexual partners, sorry, that’s not the purpose of these meetings. They are intended for exchange and information sharing. Some groups organize occasional special or side events where flirting and sometimes even playing is explicitly welcomed. However, organizers usually pay close attention to who can attend these events and who cannot.
This doesn’t mean that you can’t approach a person you like at a regular munch. But stick to innocuous topics of conversation instead of going on the offensive. It’s usually better received that way.
Have a look at their rules
In addition, each BDSM munch group has its own rules, which can be viewed on the respective website. It is always advisable to take a look at these so that you know what is appropriate and what is not. This applies to flirting, but also things like clothing. Which brings us to the next topic.
What do I wear?
Everyday clothing in which you feel comfortable is best. While it might be tempting to dress up for a meeting with fellow BDSM enthusiasts, remember that these gatherings take place in public. Dressing slightly nicer is okay, and a day-to-day collar is acceptable as well. However, leave the latex suits and leather harnesses at home.
What is discussed at a BDSM munch?
About everything. The topics of conversation range from the current weather and the restaurant’s menu to insider BDSM tips. How quickly the conversation develops from small talk to more serious things always depends a little on you and the mood.
