What does selfbondage mean?
Bondage – that’s the B in the complex acronym BDSM. It means being restrained, fixed, or tied up, in an erotic play between Top and Bottom, or even by oneself. Bondage comes in many forms: with ropes, restraints, bondage tape, psychologically, and through the body. Bondage itself is extremely diverse and one of the most common preferences among BDSM practitioners.
Selfbondage is the act of tying and restraining oneself, without the involvement of another person. It is part of solo BDSM and can have a unique appeal and dynamic. Within this intense self-experience, there are many ways to impose physical and psychological limitations on oneself.
What’s the fascination with selfbondage?
For many, selfbondage is one of the first developmental steps on their BDSM journey: as children, they might have wrapped themselves tightly in a blanket, tied themselves with a skipping rope, or done something similar. It’s about the feeling of being vulnerable. Feeling the restrictions and consciously binding oneself. A restraint cannot be undone without active intervention, regardless of whether another person or oneself is responsible for the restraint.
Selfbondage can also be a challenge for the body, similar to acrobatics or other sports. One can force the body into positions, cause oneself pain, and push to the limits. But the exact opposite is also possible. Restraining oneself can also be meditative and calming. It’s a demonstration of power over the body and mind, which simultaneously represents self-discovery and self-love. When tying oneself up, pleasure can unfold without judgment. No one is watching, expecting something, or evaluating.
For Rope-Tops or Riggers, selfbondage can also be a worthwhile experience. It offers the opportunity to practice one’s skills on oneself. This way, one can empathize with the sensations of the tied person while practicing the techniques. For others, it’s about first controlling oneself before submitting to another person. Or it is part of self-pleasure.
How can selfbondage look like?
Selfbondage is often an entry point into BDSM. The techniques and preferences are endless. A lot depends on what’s available.
- Tying with restraints to a bed or other places, often in combination with a sex machine. Or even a massage wand or vibrator, which can only be reached with tension.
- Enduring a tied position until a certain time has passed.
- Freezing the keys inside an ice cube.
- Performing daily tasks while tied or with a spreader bar.
- Wearing corsets in everyday life.
- Placing the key on the bottom of a glass that must first be emptied.
- Intensive self-tying with ropes.
- Meditative wrapping of the body.
- (Wearable) bondage in everyday life to make the feeling of being bound more conscious.
What to consider when self-tying
When practicing selfbondage, you’re alone, which means no one can intervene. This makes the practice dangerous. The risks include numbness and circulation issues if a restraint cannot be quickly undone. Nerve damage, bruises, and the so-called “wrist drop” or “drop hand” can also occur. Before attempting a complicated self-tying, it is advisable to familiarize yourself with some basic anatomical knowledge. Additionally, always ensure there’s a quick way to release the restraints.
Even though it’s called “selfbondage,” it’s wise to inform someone about the plan. A cover is advisable here as well. Most smartphones have voice control, so help can be called even without free hands. Save the corresponding number beforehand and choose a short, memorable name for this contact that is easy to pronounce.
The basic rules for a selfbondage session
- Prepare a release plan, that is, a way to free yourself. Plan beforehand how you will get out of the restraint and how to undo it at the end.
- Additionally, there should be an emergency release that can be used in case of an emergency. You can either trigger the release yourself or secure yourself with a time-lock.
- Test your restraints or constructions beforehand, especially if they are time-dependent, to ensure everything works and you are safe. Kink principles like SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual) and RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink) apply here as well.
- Set a time limit for how long you want to be tied up. Often, the fantasy is greater than the patience.
- Know your body: Although the idea of extreme positions can be tempting, they are often difficult to hold for long periods. To avoid back, shoulder, and knee issues, choose a position that is anatomically possible.
- Prepare your surroundings and environment. Heat the room and lay a blanket on part of the floor to protect yourself from cold or discomfort.
- Don’t tie anything around your neck. There are too many blood vessels, nerves, and the windpipe that can be cut off or injured with wrong movements.
- Breath play should never be done without supervision.
- Candles or open flames are not a safe release!
- Wax play can be a nice add-on to selfbondage, but you should be extra cautious. The candle should be extinguished before you become immobile.
- For any kind of BDSM, we always recommend “Don’t Kink and Drink” and also avoiding the consumption of drugs or other mind-altering substances.
In selfbondage, you are both the passive and active participant. This means you carry the responsibility for yourself. This should never be taken lightly but approached with the same care and caution you would give to another person or expect from them.
Where can I learn more?
There are numerous forums on the internet about selfbondage with tips, tricks, and videos. Bondage equipment is best purchased in specialized BDSM and sex shops. Here, the sellers can help you find something that’s safe for you. In-store, you can touch and try things on.
For rope bondage and Shibari, many online resources are available, especially on YouTube. In addition to basics like ties, knots, safety aspects, and choosing the right rope, creators show ways to practice without a partner. For example, the book “Tying and Flying” by Shay Tiziano is specifically for fans of self-suspensions. Or, if you’d prefer more personal guidance, reach out to kink creators like Vaegabound and Sapieha, who offer courses on selfbondage and self-love both in Germany but also in international retreats and online.
