For International Women’s Day, members of the Deviance team introduce themselves and share what motivates them. This time: Author Lynn discusses her own project, #KinkSisters, and how it led her to become part of another initiative.
How a social gathering turned into a job
BDSM is perverse, sick, and mean, practiced by shady people and only involves hitting, screaming, and peeing? Behind closed doors, in dark places, with immoral individuals in latex and leather? That’s the cliché. I don’t like clichés. In general, our lives are constantly determined by boxes and categories; music tastes and hairstyles define us as characters, force us into groups, or dictate what is expected of us.
Who am I? I constantly bury my nose in books. I can’t go anywhere without a notebook because I’m always writing. Books, blogs, notes, diary – it doesn’t matter. As long as there are words. I enjoy gardening, Indian food is simply love. I would love to have a cottage on rugged cliffs worn by seawater, alone in the middle of nowhere, a vegetable garden, an open fireplace, a few chickens, and yet good Wi-Fi.
I love cozy socks, knitted by Mom. My favorite ice cream is peppermint, I adore dry red wine, and in the evenings, I enjoy spanking my husband.
The grand, mythical BDSM scene, that legendary elitist construct, which appears both inviting and closed off, wasn’t for me. But BDSM itself, that’s mine. I’ve been living it longer than I even knew there was a name for it.
Share experiences, grow together
My experience is that this was true for many people. There was something different, something that deviated from the norm. You couldn’t quite name this “something.” You didn’t know who you could talk to about it. About 14 years ago, I started actively engaging with it—reading a lot, discussing, reflecting, educating myself, and exploring new practices. About two years ago, I felt the desire to pass this on. To expand my circle of exchange significantly. To share my knowledge and learn from others.
With a person who became very important to me, I decided to fulfill this wish. Honestly, this person was a driving force behind it. Before, I thought I couldn’t achieve something like this or that I simply wasn’t interesting enough to share my knowledge with others. The result of our ideas and dreams was a munch. It was our own, not labeled under BDSM, but relaxed and casual.
Like a cultivated evening among friends who all happen to be a bit kinky.
Where one can casually discuss sex without raised eyebrows, as everyone has experiences beyond vanilla – or at least wishes for them. Thus, the #KinkSisters were born.
An evening with follow-up
At that meeting in a wine bar, the stage was set for a new chapter in my life. I didn’t see it coming. Yet without that meetup, I wouldn’t be part of Deviance today, because sitting beside me that evening was Marina. We had a strong connection – a mix of similarities and differences that allowed us to understand each other well and be on the same wavelength, despite having different opinions and experiences. She talked about Deviance, a project she was passionately launching, and her enthusiasm was infectious. There was something about it that captivated me and wouldn’t let go.
We stayed loosely in touch, and one evening during a phone call, I simply asked, “If you ever need people, would you think of me?” Well, three days later, I signed my contract.
7 months later…
Now I am fortunate to work with amazing people in an atmosphere where I feel incredibly comfortable. I can do something that I am passionate about, which aligns with my own heart’s desires. I’ve fangirled over my colleagues even before I met them in person.
I believe that if your profession is a calling, it greatly affects your personal satisfaction.
Because I’m not working for a company, for a boss, for a salary, but for a cause that I believe in. One that is important to me personally as well. Now I have the opportunity to bring the entire BDSM scene out of its shady corner and present it as it is: diverse, exciting, individual, respectful.
