Infos & Help

BDSM is fun, BDSM is liberating and fulfilling and yet unfortunately often not entirely safe.

We do everything we can to make deviance a peaceful and respectful place. However, we cannot and do not want to influence what you do in private.

Nevertheless, we want to share a few tips for your safety in dating – whether you’re a Top or Bottom, Dom or Sub, or something else.

Safety on the platform

Your own your data

Do not disclose any private data such as telephone number, address, e-mail address or other contact details if you hardly know a person. If someone pressures you to do so or asks intrusive questions, do not hesitate to remove this person as a match or report them to us.

Think twice before you send something

Do not send photos or texts that could put you in a compromising position to people you do not know. The same applies here: If a person urges you to do so, report or remove him or her as a match immediately.

Safety when meeting in real life

Be sure to get covered

For the first real dates, always meet in a public place during the day and have an authorized person cover for you. Let the third party know the location, time and people involved and agree on a code (e.g. via WhatsApp) if you need help or feel uncomfortable. And: politely decline even the most gallant offer to pick you up or accompany you home. With or without a car. The ultimate test is to let your date know in advance that you are going to be covered. If he or she reacts strangely, hands off!

You can find a detailed guide on the topic of covering in dating here.

Drugs and alcohol are taboo

It doesn’t matter whether it’s early meetings or in a long-term relationship: Alcohol and drugs should be taboo before and during play. This is because mutual consent and empathy are paramount in BDSM sessions. If judgment and observation, body awareness and reaction speed are impaired, this can result in serious psychological and physical damage.

Tips and help when things go wrong

If a session goes awry or if you experience what’s called a “drop” for other reasons, aftercare and mutual listening are the magic words. This applies even if the drop occurs a few days or even weeks later. If aftercare isn’t possible, for example because the other involved person(s) is unreachable, you don’t trust them, or for other reasons, there are various other measures you can take.

Talk to a professional

Talking to a psychotherapist can be very helpful in sorting out your feelings and dealing with them better. There’s no need for false shame here. Most therapists are very knowledgeable about BDSM and sexuality. If you still have concerns, you can find a list of BDSM-friendly addresses on www.sm-outing.de.

In the event of physical damage and accidents, honesty is the top priority

One thing is clear: go to the doctor’s office as soon as possible. Your first port of call should be your trusted family doctor or gynecologist. It is important that you tell him or her the truth about what has happened. This is the only way to really get the treatment that is best for your injury. After all, a fall is different from a blow.

If you can’t wait until the next available appointment, you should definitely go to an emergency room. Here, too, it is important to be absolutely honest and not ashamed. Unfortunately, SM accidents happen more often than you might think, so the staff are not only used to a lot, but will also treat you with the appropriate professionalism and discretion.

An involuntary outing is unlikely. But you can get through it

If you discover a person you know on Deviance and are now afraid that he or she might have recognized you too, you have little to fear. Because the other person most likely has exactly the same thoughts. So if he or she were to come up with the idea of outing you in front of others, this person would first have to explain how he or she ended up on a kinky dating app like Deviance.

If you are nevertheless outed involuntarily, it is important to first realistically assess the consequences. In most cases, the best choice is to be open about your own inclinations, offer clarification and thus allay the fears and prejudices of those around you.