What does humiliation mean?
The word humiliation contains the word courage or humility. However, humiliation stands for the exact opposite: namely to rob courage and force humility. Humiliation is particularly characterized by the fact that it occurs through deliberate, contemptuous and shameful treatment by another person or group. Humiliation is also something that is often used in the context of BDSM. However, this is usually referred to as erotic humiliation, as it takes place for the pleasure of those involved, especially the person being humiliated. Outside of an agreed framework, humiliation is something that can result in deep emotional injury and even legal consequences.
What exactly causes shame and discomfort is, like so much in BDSM, subjective. Humiliation often involves being exposed or shown off. The reaction is even more intense in front of an audience. In contrast to erotic humiliation, humiliation is always an act and not an emotion that can only come from one side. In other words, while humiliation is something that can be triggered alone, the feeling of humiliation is always dependent on another person or group. Moreover, this feeling is often linked to feelings of inability and inadequacy.
Why do people like it?
Shame is a very intense feeling that also has physical effects. The body temperature rises, some people get a red head, become sweaty and can hardly speak. The feeling is also associated with exposure and something forbidden. In connection with other people, i.e. the top person, a group or an audience, there are also aspects of exhibitonism and showing off. It is therefore also about a conscious public perception that is associated with humiliation. It often exceeds the pure feeling of shame and brings with it the aspect of “everyone knows what I am and what I stand for”. This feeling of shame is eroticizing for some.
Many also enjoy the fact that this type of play highlights their inferiority and emphasizes the power dynamic between the participants. With these actions, the top demonstrates his own superiority over the bottom on every level. The submissive part is degraded to something that is less than oneself. Sometimes even to an animal, object or pleasure object, and all of this in front of an audience. In this way, the inferiority becomes particularly drastic.
Some people also use humiliation as a form of punishment. The unpleasant feeling can also be created without physical influence. For example, by ordering the person to recite out loud with a gag. As this usually only produces silly sounds, the person is effectively humiliating themselves. If they also salivate unintentionally, the humiliating punishment is perfect. Or you have to kneel, maybe even stay in a dirty place or get peed on. Then the pleasure lies in enduring the unpleasantness and feeling punished. In this context, it is also particularly popular for the person being humiliated not to be allowed to go to the toilet until they wet themselves.
People with strong submissive and/or masochistic tendencies generally enjoy humiliation. Humiliation is particularly appealing to Brats as it provides additional fuel for mutual provocation. Humiliating a Brat can evoke the defensiveness you want for a session. Or it can be a special form of punishment for cheeky behavior.
What can humiliation look like?
As already mentioned, humiliation is very subjective. It is important to find out exactly what humiliates a person in an intensive preliminary discussion. Personal boundaries must be defined in order to maintain the delicate balance between erotic humiliation and insult.
As with humiliation, a verbal introduction can help. For example, it can be humiliating to be addressed with an insult or a synonym and to be openly scolded. Telling a third party about the bottom’s transgressions or shortcomings can also be humiliating. However, many verbal options are close to humiliation. For example, if the passive party is given the task of memorizing, singing or explaining something. Preferably, of course, something that the person does not know or cannot do. Then the bottom verbally humiliates himself or herself.
Nudity is also perceived as humiliation in many situations. Especially when you are the only naked person among clothed people, you quickly feel humiliated. If you then have to be at their service and/or are treated differently to the clothed people, an intense power dynamic is created. Clear signs from the BDSM scene, sissy clothes, chastity belts or clothes that are too tight, written on or dirty are also signs of humiliation.
There are some role-playing games that automatically provide for humiliating distribution: Domination and staff, toilet attendant:in, military, prisoner and overseer, patient, medical staff, objectification and, depending on the design, pet play. These are all roles that are assigned a very clear inferiority. Within these role plays, humiliation and degradation can occur without reference to the actual person. Above all, performing these roles in public or for a group can be considered humiliation.
Caution is advised! What needs to be observed:
Prior consultation is very important. Detailed discussions, testing words, insults and gestures are essential. Unlike humiliation, it is about more than making someone’s face red with emotion. Especially when it comes to embarrassment, you should really discuss these sensitive topics in detail.
However, it is not only important to clarify all the boundaries of the main players, but, as humiliation is often audience-related, to take into account all those involved. The audience should therefore be informed in advance. Everyone should be in agreement with the situation and/or have the option to leave the session. And: The safeword is also essential in a public context. Because if it gets too much for Bottom here, there needs to be a quick plan to feel safe and comfortable with each other again.
Aftercare is also essential. Make each other aware that you value each other. Emphasize that things happen within a session and do not affect your everyday life. It’s a good idea to write compliment slips or tell each other positive things from the session. This way you can restore a sense of pride. If things get too much and a drop threatens, you can find ways to deal with the situation here.
