What does humiliation mean?
The German word for humiliation contains the words courage and humility. However, humiliation stands for the exact opposite: to strip away courage and force humility. Humiliation is characterized by intentional, contemptuous, and shameful treatment by another person or group. Humiliation is also something commonly used in the context of BDSM. However, it is usually referred to as erotic humiliation, as it takes place for the pleasure of those involved, especially the person being humiliated. Outside of an agreed-upon framework, humiliation can cause deep emotional wounds and even have legal consequences.
What exactly causes shame and discomfort is, like so much in BDSM, subjective. Humiliation often involves being exposed or shown off. The reaction is even more intense in front of an audience. In contrast to erotic degradation, humiliation is always an act and not an emotion that can only come from one side. In other words, while humiliation is something that can be triggered alone, the feeling of humiliation is always dependent on another person or group. Moreover, this feeling is often linked to feelings of inability and inadequacy.
Why do people like it?
Shame is a very intense feeling that can also have physical effects. Body temperature rises, some people get a red face, become sweaty, and can hardly speak. The feeling is also associated with exposure and something forbidden. In the context of other people, such as the Top, a group, or an audience, aspects of exhibitionism and performance come into play. It also involves a conscious public perception connected to humiliation. It often surpasses mere feelings of shame and brings the aspect of “Everyone knows what I am and what I like.” This feeling of shame is erotic for some people.
Many also enjoy the fact that this type of play highlights their inferiority and emphasizes the power dynamic between the participants. With these actions, the Top demonstrates his own superiority over the Bottom on every level. The submissive part is degraded to something that is less than oneself. Sometimes even to an animal, object or thing, and all of this in front of an audience. In this way, the inferiority becomes particularly drastic.
Some people also use humiliation as a form of punishment. The unpleasant feeling can also be created without physical influence. For example, by ordering the person to recite out loud with a gag. As this usually only produces silly sounds, the person is effectively humiliating themselves. If they also salivate unintentionally, the humiliating punishment is perfect. Or you have to kneel, maybe even stay in a dirty place or get peed on. Then the pleasure lies in enduring the unpleasantness and feeling punished. In this context, it is also particularly popular for the person being humiliated not to be allowed to go to the toilet until they wet themselves.
People with strong submissive and/or masochistic tendencies generally enjoy humiliation. Humiliation is particularly appealing to Brats as it provides additional fuel for mutual provocation. Humiliating a Brat can evoke the defensiveness you want for a session. Or it can be a special form of punishment for cheeky behavior.
What can humiliation look like?
As previously mentioned, humiliation is very subjective. What humiliates one person must be determined in a thorough pre-discussion. It’s essential to identify personal limits to maintain the delicate balance between erotic humiliation and insult.
As with humiliation, a verbal introduction can help. For example, it can be humiliating to be addressed with an insult or a synonym and to be openly scolded. Telling a third party about the bottom’s transgressions or shortcomings can also be humiliating. However, many verbal options are close to humiliation. For example, if the passive party is given the task of memorizing, singing or explaining something. Preferably, of course, something that the person does not know or cannot do. Then the bottom verbally humiliates himself or herself.
Nudity is also perceived as humiliation in many situations. Being the only naked person among clothed people can quickly make one feel humiliated. If one must also serve these people and/or be treated differently from the clothed individuals, an intense power dynamic is created. Other clear signs from the BDSM community, such as sissy clothing, chastity belts, or tight, marked, or dirty clothing, are symbols of humiliation.
There are some role-playing games that automatically provide for humiliating distribution: Domination and staff, toilet attendant:in, military, prisoner and overseer, patient, medical staff, objectification and, depending on the design, pet play. These are all roles that are assigned a very clear inferiority. Within these role plays, humiliation and degradation can occur without reference to the actual person. Above all, performing these roles in public or for a group can be considered humiliation.
Caution is advised! What needs to be observed:
Prior consultation is very important. Detailed discussions, testing words, insults and gestures are essential. Unlike humiliation, it is about more than making someone’s face red with emotion. Especially when it comes to embarrassment, you should really discuss these sensitive topics in detail.
It’s important not only to clarify all boundaries of the main participants but also to consider all those involved, as humiliation often has an audience element. Therefore, the audience should be briefed beforehand. Everyone should agree with the situation and/or have the option to leave the session. Additionally, even in a public context, a safeword is essential. If it becomes too much for the bottom, there must be a quick plan in place to ensure everyone feels safe and comfortable again.
Aftercare is also essential. Make each other aware that you value and appreciate one another. Emphasize that the events within a session do not affect your everyday life. A good idea is to write compliment notes or share positive aspects of the session with each other. This can help restore a sense of pride. If things become too intense and a drop is imminent, here are some approaches to handle the situation.
