How do you know if it is a match? How fast should it go, and how many coincidences are actually still normal? Neither we nor our interviewee can tell you that. But we can provide you with some exciting insights into dating with Deviance and a kinky love story from Munich. We had the opportunity to interview Miss Lena about her experiences as a woman on Deviance, what brought her to Bavaria, and how things continued there in terms of kinkiness.
When you signed up on Deviance, what were you missing in your kinky life?
Miss Lena: I wouldn’t say that I was missing anything specific. It was more curiosity. I’m someone who enjoys meeting new people and occasionally flirting in a casual way. Finding a steady partner wasn’t the plan. I was more interested in discovering who else is out there and what connections can be made through Deviance.
Have you already tried your luck on other platforms?
Miss Lena: Yes, I’ve actually been to quite a few portals. I had profiles on the usual kinky and non-kinky apps and platforms, but I wasn’t actively looking. Every now and then there was even one or two exciting contacts related to the scene.
This is what Miss Lena’s bookshelf looks like at home.
Photo: Miss Lena
Found it – without any ice cream emoji
Have you consciously indicated something specific on non-kinky platforms so that people knew you were into BDSM?
Miss Lena: Exactly. I always had this ice cream emoji and the crossed out red circle for “not vanilla” on my profile. Either you understand it because you are kinky yourself, or you just don’t understand it.
What is the biggest challenge for you in kinky dating and what has Deviance made easier?
Miss Lena: From the beginning, it was clear on Deviance that there was a specific preference present. And therefore, that people there would definitely understand it and not just be tolerant, but also share the same interests. This makes it more relaxed because you don’t have to think, “Oh God, what if I meet someone I like, and then they don’t approve of BDSM at all.” On the other hand, you immediately have a topic to talk about. One that gives you a much clearer insight into a person than if you had to start with: “Hey, how are you, what do you do?”
Can you still remember how Max was suggested to you? What was your first impression online?
Miss Lena: I found his pictures very intriguing, especially because there were many of them for a men’s profile. The photos even included his face, which is not usually the case for most profiles. Also, the text immediately appealed to me. I immediately noticed that it was heading in the D/s direction, and that’s exactly my thing. So, I was immediately very curious.
What did his profile description say?
Miss Lena: There were comparisons. He always compared two opposite words that described him. For example, dominance and tenderness. Hardness and playfulness. In the sense of carrot and stick. I found that exciting.
Getting to know each other at eye level
Did a power dynamic emerge while chatting, or did you wait until the real meeting for that?
Miss Lena: No, in the chat, we were on equal footing. While it was clear that it would lead to D/s if we met, it was about getting to know each other as equals. That’s also something that’s very important to me. Given that he doesn’t switch and I do, it was logical that he would play the dominant role and I the submissive.
What was it about Max that piqued your interest?
Miss Lena: It happened very quickly that we had a lot of very intensive contact. It was clear to him that he was really interested in me as a person and not just in a random person who was just submissive. I think that’s very important. We quickly realized that we could talk to each other very well and that we had similar interests.
Do you have a type of man, and does Max fit into that?
Miss Lena (smiles): Yes, he fits that. But it’s more about his demeanor. I can’t even quite put it into words. But yes, he embodies that type of man I have a preference for.
How long did it take until the first date?
Miss Lena: Due to the distance between us and also because of Corona, we actually just wrote for almost a month. We spoke on the phone for the first time on the second day. The first date took place after about a month.
Birkenstock and Pleaser: Miss Lena loves both.
Photo: Miss Lena
The beginning of a wonderful power dynamic
What was your gut feeling when you went on the first date and what was your feeling when you went home?
Miss Lena: We met at a public place, which was very prudent, and I made sure to have someone to cover me and know where I was. I was definitely very, very nervous. Although I was pretty sure it would be a good date, I didn’t know exactly what to expect. It ended up with me staying at his place for a whole three days. Max was just as he had been in our chats and on the phone. I was really glad I decided to meet him, and I knew for sure that we would see each other again.
How did the play game go?
Miss Lena (laughs): Maybe we weren’t quite as exemplary. We got around to playing together for the first time pretty quickly. And really, really hard. I generally like to play very hard and so does he. We are similar in that regard. It would probably be too much for others at the beginning, but between us it just harmonized. We had already suspected that it would work well when playing. That turned out to be true.
Did you stay on the D/s level after the first session?
Miss Lena: Exactly. While it’s not the classic 24/7 situation here, as one might imagine, in doubt, Max is the one who sets the tone and has the decision-making power. I really like that. Normally, I’m not good at letting myself go like that, but with him, it just worked. Even though I told him I don’t like cuddling, I found myself in bed with him on the first evening thinking: Hmmm… Do I actually like this? Maybe it was because he didn’t assume anything. So, I didn’t feel any pressure.
Was there a key moment when you knew: This is the right one?
Miss Lena: That was at the second date. At this point I was still in a play relationship with another dominant man. Max knew that too. This play relationship was my first real BDSM relationship and lasted about four years. Although this person was and still is very important to me, we only saw each other once every few months due to the distance. That wasn’t enough for me. There was this moment on the second date with Max: I knelt on the floor in front of him. He said to me that he would like to be my “Sir”, but knows that that is of course not possible at the moment because there is already a man who has that role. Then it finally became clear to me that emotionally it wasn’t like that anymore and that I would rather have Max as my Master.
A D/s partnership with space for both
Did you previously wish or imagine a relationship like this? Or did you want to separate BSDM and partnership?
Miss Lena: No, I always wanted to combine the two. Precisely because this 24/7 topic is something that partly appeals to me. Of course, this becomes more and more exciting, the more intense the relationship with a person is.
Collar and ring of O: Miss Lena wears her jewelry with pride.
Photo: Miss Lena
What can you learn from each other?
Miss Lena: Max has been in the scene much longer than me. I can still learn a lot about BDSM from him. Especially when it comes to dominance. This also enriches my own dominant side, because I continue to live it out. I gained my first party experiences through him and with him. This has been on my wish list for a long time, but I didn’t dare to do it alone.
He can learn spontaneity from me and that everything doesn’t always have to be the way it’s always been done. That’s quite good for him. I give him insights into how the younger scene approaches things and that it doesn’t always have to be the classic BDSM.
Miss Lena in her party outfit.
Photo: Miss Lena
How does it feel for him that you continue to live out your dominant side?
Miss Lena: I think he finds it very exciting. It really appeals to him to see me take the lead. Especially because he knows he’s the only one for whom it’s reversed. There have even been some exciting moments with three of us.
If not on Deviance, where else could you have met?
Miss Lena: I suspect that without Deviance we wouldn’t have found each other.
Miss Lena feels right at home in the BDSM community, and not just thanks to her partner. When she’s not wearing high heels, the 23-year-old likes to stand in the kitchen in Birkenstocks and bake cakes for her friends and colleagues.
