What does FLR mean?
FLR is the abbreviation for “Female Led Relationship”. This is a 24/7 relationship with a power imbalance. When people talk about FLR, they usually mean a relationship between a cis-female dominant woman and a cis-male submissive partner, even if the concept could be applied to other genders.
What does an FLR look like?
FLR is an incredibly complex and multifaceted construct. BDSM is often, but not always, a part of it. The structure is individual for each couple. The most common framework for this type of play is that the woman, as the femdom, sets the rules of the relationship and the man has to follow them. If he fails to do so or is unsatisfactory in performing his task, the woman punishes him. If he performs the tasks assigned to him well, she rewards him. It does not matter whether the punishment is corporal punishment, for example with a whip, or humiliation. Orgasm control often plays a decisive role.
Examples are the transfer of certain household activities such as ironing, taking out the garbage or vacuuming. In addition, sexual contact takes place at the woman’s request, i.e. when and how she wants. The man has the task of satisfying his mistress.
Extreme forms of FLR
In the more extreme forms of FLR, the construct goes so far that the man becomes completely dependent on the woman’s leadership. She manages the money, decides whether and how much money the man has at his disposal, has control over all expenditure and income and is the owner of all property, accounts and contracts. It should be mentioned at this point that such a relationship with a complete transfer of power (Total Power Exchange, TPE for short) can also be very dangerous under certain circumstances. Even though the idea of complete dependence can be very exciting, this responsibility is destructive in the hands of the wrong person. So always be aware of the other person’s boundaries. This also applies in both directions, because not everyone can or wants to bear responsibility in this form.
Why do some people live in an FLR?
In most cases, however, FLR relationships are very sincere and responsible constellations. The man may have a lot of responsibility at work and is happy just to be guided in his private life. The woman should not consider the man in such a construct to be worthless, but should have the sincere desire to strengthen him through leadership, to make him the best version of himself instead of wanting to break and control him. In everyday life, these couples are often a well-rehearsed team that, from the outside, acts as equals and on an equal footing. The fact that they have the last word internally is not always apparent to the outside world. It is precisely this mix of trust and strength, of leading and following, of very open communication and the exercise of sexual power that makes this construct so appealing to many.
Who benefits from what?
Women who like to be in control, who like to set the tone and actively shape everyday life and sexuality can thrive in an FLR relationship. The type of dominance can be used in completely different ways, which means that you can find Mistress, Top, Dom, Hotwife or Mommy through to Rigger, Brat-Tamer and Degrader in an FLR.
Men who like to pamper, adore or respect their partner, offer her as comfortable a life as possible and take care of her needs form the perfect male basis for such a relationship. Men who like to be educated, who are turned on when a woman knows exactly what she wants and demands it, or men who enjoy strictness and chastisement can also thrive in an FLR. This includes servants, cuckolds, subs or sissies as well as degrades or masochists.
What needs to be considered?
As already mentioned, extreme power lies in the hands of the leading woman in an FLR relationship. This makes it all the more important to talk about consensuality, frameworks and limits at the beginning. Regular conversations outside of the power imbalance are useful. “Are you comfortable with this?”, “What do you like or dislike?”, “Where would you like to give up or take back more responsibility?” or similar questions help to reflect on and adapt the current constellation. You can find more advice on talking about your inclinations here. Hard limits must also be observed with TPE and 24/7.
After all, the man serving in such a relationship is still a human being and should be perceived and treated accordingly. And even if it seems tempting, the partner playing the bottom is not exempt from all responsibility. However, it is his job to communicate if he is not comfortable with a situation. In this way, a very harmonious relationship with that certain something can develop and flourish in the long term. As the English say: “Happy wife, happy life”.
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