What does Femdom stand for?
Femdom is short for “Female Dominance,” a title often used by Doms – those in a BDSM dynamic who are dominant, leading, commanding, or executing and who identify as female – to emphasize their dominance. However, Femdoms not only use this term to describe themselves; it also generally refers to a BDSM dynamic led by a woman in a dominant role. The reason is that the term “Dom” is often associated with male dominance, even though the word is technically gender-neutral.
A male Dom is therefore also referred to as a Maledom. The term Femdom originated in the American scene and likely became prevalent in the late 1980s. However, there is no exact documentation of its first use.
Some female Doms prefer the term Domme instead of Femdom. This title is partly about personal expression of style and also serve to differentiate from Dominatrixes, who practice BDSM professionally.
Of course, the Femdom role is not limited to cis-women. (Trans) men or individuals of other gender identities can also assume this role.
Who or what is a Femdom?
Femdoms often use this term in the context of a Malesub, or male submissive. However, as mentioned, the term is not tied to any specific gender, nor is the counterpart. Even if the partner switches, is non-binary, or differs in other ways from the traditional stereotype, the term can still be used.
This means she has control over their shared sexuality, including the location, time, and execution. This can happen exclusively within a session or more permanently in the form of FLR or 24/7. FLR stands for “Female Led Relationship,” a distinctive and well-known relationship model where, as the name suggests, the woman is in charge, creating a unique power dynamic.
The title Femdom emphasizes the feminine aspect of one’s dominance. Femdoms often prefer various titles to be addressed by, such as Mistress, Miss, Goddess, Madame, Queen, and so on. Many of these titles have a royal or even otherworldly connotation. Correspondingly, the power hierarchy in a Femdom dynamic is very clearly defined. The Femdom is not merely a role but often represents a lifestyle and form of relationship or living. All these terms relate to leadership through femininity. For some, it serves as a counterbalance or even a contradiction to patriarchy. For others, it is about standing on a pedestal, being adored, or the desire to be carried on hands. Although identifying as a Femdom is not a political decision, it can indeed reflect a person’s values or desires.
Which roles is a Femdom related to?
Femdoms often have their own perspective on BDSM. They choose the title Femdom to highlight the femininity of their dominance rather than specific preferences. As with many dominant roles, the transitions to other roles are fluid or overlapping and may serve as umbrella terms for each other, such as Top.
But there are also many behaviors and preferred practices that resemble those of a Femdom, such as those of a Mommy, Mistress, Handler, or Disciplinarian. Depending on the kinks practiced, Femdoms may also act as a Hotwife.
Who matches with a Femdom?
Many submissive roles like Bottom, Sub, or Serf, which emphasize the psychological component, harmonize well with Femdoms. Some Femdoms also enjoy being challenged by a Brat or taking care of a Little. Femdoms with a sadistic streak also get along well with Masochists.
How do I know if I’m a Femdom?
You likely feel the need to take control without compromising your own femininity. You enjoy giving instructions that align with your own needs and those of the submissive partner or multiple partners. You are willing to take responsibility without abusing it. If you execute your leadership qualities with a feminine influence and feel comfortable with the term, you might be a Femdom.
You might enjoy having your femininity revered or desired. Or perhaps you take pleasure in preparing extensively for a session, viewing a play as a tribute to yourself, or transforming yourself. How one combines leadership with femininity cannot be confined to rigid categories. It can be a very personal characteristic in play. Within the BDSM community, there is also a certain perception of Femdoms. They are often associated with elegance, grace, inner conviction, and strength. Many envision them as a Femme Fatale or a classic Diva.
As a Femdom it is important that…
…you delve deeply into the desires and needs of those who submit to you and respect their limits. Additionally, be aware that Femdom is shaped by you and your BDSM practices. Ensure that you engage with different play styles and needs and feel confident in your actions. Even though a Femdom derives satisfaction from performing their role, they never act selfishly but in the interest of others. It’s also important to listen carefully to your partner. You should be open and receptive to feedback and not shy away from continually developing yourself.
As a Femdom, you will encounter a wide range of reactions within the scene. Some people may have very positive or negative opinions about women who identify as Femdom. Subs and Bottoms often react intensely to you, as they may perceive the scene as underrepresented by dominant women. While these reactions can stir up a lot within you, always focus on yourself and your skills. Remember that your primary concern is the interests and needs of all parties involved in your play, not those of society.
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