Unlike its ugly stepsister, general traffic control, orgasm control is much more welcome to many, not just kinksters. Controlling your orgasm is a game that you often discover completely by chance and that some people may already practice in a weaker form without even knowing it or using the technical term. Which man hasn’t delayed an orgasm to give his partner longer pleasure?
If I know the person I’m talking to for even three weeks and five to six sexual acts better than a fleeting, drunken one-night stand, it’s a bit like baking frozen pizza. I have a feeling when the time will come.
The primary signs of orgasm are usually faster breathing and the tensing of certain parts of the body (memo to myself: No more sex with a sore stomach. Yuck.). With a little practice and empathy, it’s not rocket science to provoke an orgasm or – and now we come to the fun part – to deny it.
Who is in control now?
Anyone who thinks that this is of course much simpler for men than for us women is mistaken. Women can also be “forced” to orgasm through repeated or particularly intense stimulation. An often desired result of such stimulation can be, for example, squirting. But I’ve also heard of women intentionally suppressing an orgasm in order to – quote – “punish their partner.” Like, “You’ve been acting completely insensitive lately, so I’m not going to give myself to you completely.”
Although nothing could be further from me than voluntarily foregoing my own satisfaction – I don’t tear open a pack of Ben and Jerry’s and then watch it melt – I can certainly understand the ulterior motive behind this.
Of course, an orgasm can be a reward not only for the recipient, but also for the producer. Once you have figured out how to drive your counterpart crazy, you can increase this climax of a manipulated climax almost to an immeasurable extent. If you like desperate begging and pleading, this form of game is just right for you. Orgasm control or chastity is a popular tool for strengthening the power dynamic, especially among submissive men and dominatrixes.
When it comes to controlling orgasms, the following also applies: keep things in moderation!
The level of frustration that the delinquent can endure is of course very individual. As a beginner, you should first avoid frequent or long-term frustration. The comparison may seem trivial, but if I suggest to my cat three times too often that I’m going to throw the mouse at her, but then just pretend, she will eventually stop responding or curl up on the carpet in a huff. And probably bite me again exactly when I don’t see it coming.
Another important question is how to handle it if control is lost, meaning if the submissive partner reaches climax unexpectedly when it wasn’t intended. Is this a good reason for a small punishment, or is support and reassurance more appropriate? Of course, this varies depending on each (play) couple’s needs and preferences. Like all BDSM practices, empathy and responsibility are essential.
Then you can start without any utensils, first aid kit and a lot of preparation and it’s no longer just a matter of “attention, control!” in traffic.
