The anticipation is building, your outfit is ready, and there’s been a buzz in the air all day. Tonight, it’s playtime! To ensure everything is SSC and to make it a pleasant experience for you both, you’ll find six questions you should ask before a BDSM session in this article.
We assume that you are already sure of your partner’s consent and that you are not necessarily playing for the very first time. In this case, you can find an extra guide here. Also bear in mind that the following questions can and should of course also be asked of a dominant person.
1. Are you fit?
Playing is not always just fun. BDSM can also be quite strenuous and similarly stressful as a sports session. That’s why you shouldn’t be in poor health, especially when it comes to very physical practices. Being tied up with sore muscles is not particularly pleasant. And if you have sore muscles, you should perhaps avoid impact play for a while. Infections and viruses also make us less resilient and much more sensitive to pain. The simple question “Is anything hurting you today?” can prevent unwanted pain.
2. How are you feeling today?
The typical BDSM exchange of power has a different effect on every psyche. After a stressful day, it’s good for one person to let go of his or her role. Others find it particularly difficult in such situations. Perhaps something has happened during the day that has ruined the desire for BDSM. Give the other person the chance to make this known.
An already unstable mood can be worsened by psychological practices such as humiliation. In the worst case, this can lead to a drop. The dominant partner should also definitely be asked before the session whether he or she is ready to take responsibility today.
On the other hand, intense ecstasy can of course also help to release tension and clear your head. Talk briefly about how you are feeling before you start. Tell your partner that you are feeling particularly sensitive today. This is the only way he or she can take this into consideration when playing. If one of you doesn’t feel in the mood, it’s better to play another time.
3. What do you want to achieve today?
A question that also provides the opportunity for a little challenge. Perhaps you want to give your partner a very special climax today? Maybe you’re planning to master a particular bondage technique today. Or maybe you want to be in the mood for a fetish party after the session?
4. How much time can we take?
Nothing is more annoying than being interrupted in the middle of a session or not being able to enjoy BDSM properly because you’re constantly looking at your watch. Ask your partner how much time you have for yourselves today and adjust your kinky program accordingly. Remember to also plan enough time for aftercare.
5. What do you wish for today?
A very simple question, but one that offers a lot of leeway. Because either I can of course fulfill my partner’s wish. Or I can create a stimulus by delaying or refusing a wish. Don’t confuse submissive desires with needs. Ultimately, you want to do something good for each other – even if it happens in a different, more complex way in BDSM.
Questions like “What do you want the session to do to you today?” are also a good guide. Perhaps Dom would prefer to exercise physical control today instead of talking a lot. Or Sub would like to leave the session stronger and with lots of praise for the pain they have endured.
6. Are there perhaps daily limits?
Sometimes there are different limits than usual in certain situations. Practices that are usually part of your repertoire may exceed your physical or mental capacities today. Play it safe and ask yourself “Is there anything you don’t want to do today?” Even if you have been planning to try something new for a long time, you can ask yourself again before playing whether or not today is the right time for it.
